Sunday, August 30, 2009
directionless babble...
not many days ago now.. can't be sure the exact number.. anyway.. i received a letter from susan (mom).. to boil down it's contents.. she found out.. in probably in one of the worse possible ways (facebook).. that i am not the person that she thinks i am.. and she is very disappointed that i wasn't wholly focused on ayme (sister) and mike (brother-in-law) on their wedding day.. and rather focused my attention on my outfit and the message that it sent.. the message being.. "I don't even begin to give a shit".. seeing as i was wearing a kilt sans underpants and an offensive tee-shirt to a fancy occasion.. and although that maybe true.. i did show up to the wedding just for my sister.. she was the whole reason i was there.. so in my response letter.. that's right a handwritten letter.. so archaic.. back to my point.. in my response i will refute what susan claims.. while revealing who i truly am.. hopefully breaking ties with this woman who dares call herself my mother.. but.. really.. all of that is irrelevant.. because even if the bulk of the message was centered around all things uttered previously.. the real meat.. the heart if you will.. of this correspondence.. is all in the last paragraph.. where susan seems to express concern about my direction in life.. about how i "need" to lose my self-centered attitude and become more god/others focused.. a very motherly concern if there ever was one.. what is hidden in the text.. what is underneath the ink on the page.. is something very different.. something that might have been building up in her for awhile.. i don't think she likes me.. not really.. she tries to.. because she loves me as a mom.. but it is becoming apparent i'm not anything like what she wants me to be.. which gives me all the more reason to write my letter to her.. to really clear that up.. drive to final nail so to speak.. and bury this relationship.. finally.. i might know freedom from the guilt machine that is susan..
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
I wish I could say that your journey will be an easy one. As soon as a child becomes self aware, the need to escape their caregiver is born. As your father, I understand the needs of children to emancipate themselves from me. Perhaps I was not the best father in the world but I tried to give you the ability to think for yourself. You are free to do whatever you need to do Elijah. I offer you no restraints, no guilt and no unrequested advice. Should you need me, you know where I am brother...
Love you dude...
-dad-
no need for worry bro.. my issue with mom is something else entirely.. it has more to do with her choice to not take part in what is the one time that a son needs their mom the most.. and then still feel like she can have a mother son relationship with me.. it does not sit well with me..
you really shouldn't worry about being a good father.. i mean i understand.. wondering how much damage you did to a person while you were responsible for them during the first eighteen years or so of their life.. will cause a fair amount of stress.. but you can rest assured.. i am very well adjusted.. while being aware of what is actually going on around me.. so.. truly.. you did a bang up job with me.. and zach is coming along nicely...
honestly i thank you for not butting into my life.. even though we are far more connected than you ever have been with your parents.. with the twitter and the blogging and what not.. you only offer advice should i ask for it.. and i know you are there if i need you.. all and all.. you are the best dad a guy like me could ask for..
much love bro..
it took me years to finally say the "right" thing to get rid of my mother...it is a relief to have her gone from my life...just because someone pushed you from their vagina does not mean you owe them anything whatsoever...good luck with your severance letter, and don't forget step-mommy is still here for you, if you need it...
just so we're clear, i rather liked your kilt.
~mike
Post a Comment