lacking in true focus

pinpoint accuracy.. diminished over long periods of time..

that's basically what the internet does to your brain. when you start your technological life, your mind is fresh and able to calculate at a relatively fast rate; but given enough time your vision becomes blurred. this is not a result of your eyes going bad, rather it is a symptom of your mind absorbing too much information to quickly. with this informative overload comes only lowered brain function; although it still tries it's best to keep everything normalized..  stress and headaches. (this is the part where you go back and re-read because i tell you of the grammatical mistake i made a few words back..)

Right into the Sun(burst)

The Vines - Get Free

..sometimes music says it better than i ever could..


to put this into perspective dear reader you must know that just
recently i put a final end to my off again on again relationship
with my high school sweetheart and this is the song that has
steeled my resolve.. so truly.. i will "get free" once and for all

i am of the opinion, that i shouldn't have an opinion

your world is flawed.. or rather.. your world view is flawed.. not to say that mine is correct..

there is a saying.. "Opinions are like assholes, everybody has one"
and although i feel that it misses a larger point.. that assholes actually have a use.. it does ring true.. everyone has a notion about the way that things "need" to be done, and this gets us nowhere.. it leads only to bickering, hurt feelings, and someone ending up feel as if they got the short end of the stick.. but that last one can't really be helped, seeing as there are seven and a half Billion people.. that is a lot of motherfuckers to have to worry about when making a decision.. think about it, that is a shit ton of zeros..

what was i talking about?..
right..
the next time you are faced with a decision, and need to form an opinion.. please.. for the love of your god/gods/goddess.. use logic to come to your conclusion.. and i'm not talking logic that you push through your life's story filter.. and if you don't know the difference.. by all means take this opportunity to go study some logic.. don't forget you do have the internet at your disposal.. and it is a tool that should be exploited..

my digressions are killing me here..
anyway..
use logic.. be a pragmatist.. not opinionated and emotional, but logical and pragmatic when faced with, really, any decision.. you might find that you make less mistakes.. and when you do fuck up.. you can look back on it and not feel to bad.. because you will have reacted to the situation at hand, rather than how you felt..

then again.. in the end.. i probably won't have followed my own advice either.. but you know.. we are only human..

don't slip into your coma just yet...

surely here in the cold we might find something that resembles true thought..

are our minds nothing more than a series of electrical impulses? if so, why do we feel such a need to to try and define those jolts of electricity? simple answer, everything must be defined. every one thing must have a place, a purpose. but why stop at the simple answer. there are other paths to take. although to tread these other paths is to reject society.
how so you might ask.
worry not little ones i will suggest a solution to your query.
one, know that society as a whole is only concerned with it's own immediate survival. two, most of us never stop and ask why(even if it is the single most important question one can ask). why, what you say. the answer is incredibly easy. why everything? there is nothing in this world that should not be subject to that question. and back to my larger point: three, if you do ask the great question, eventually you will find that there is no answer. that everything that you have ever known is basically a lie. that all the things we have given labels to in a useless gesture that we hoped would give our little world meaning fell flat. our existence holds no more meaning than an ant's.
(this is the part were i'm suppose to suggest that ants don't have these same existential problems, but who am i to claim such things.)

there is much left unsaid......

directionless babble...

not many days ago now.. can't be sure the exact number.. anyway.. i received a letter from susan (mom).. to boil down it's contents.. she found out.. in probably in one of the worse possible ways (facebook).. that i am not the person that she thinks i am.. and she is very disappointed that i wasn't wholly focused on ayme (sister) and mike (brother-in-law) on their wedding day.. and rather focused my attention on my outfit and the message that it sent.. the message being.. "I don't even begin to give a shit".. seeing as i was wearing a kilt sans underpants and an offensive tee-shirt to a fancy occasion.. and although that maybe true.. i did show up to the wedding just for my sister.. she was the whole reason i was there.. so in my response letter.. that's right a handwritten letter.. so archaic.. back to my point.. in my response i will refute what susan claims.. while revealing who i truly am.. hopefully breaking ties with this woman who dares call herself my mother.. but.. really.. all of that is irrelevant.. because even if the bulk of the message was centered around all things uttered previously.. the real meat.. the heart if you will.. of this correspondence.. is all in the last paragraph.. where susan seems to express concern about my direction in life.. about how i "need" to lose my self-centered attitude and become more god/others focused.. a very motherly concern if there ever was one.. what is hidden in the text.. what is underneath the ink on the page.. is something very different.. something that might have been building up in her for awhile.. i don't think she likes me.. not really.. she tries to.. because she loves me as a mom.. but it is becoming apparent i'm not anything like what she wants me to be.. which gives me all the more reason to write my letter to her.. to really clear that up.. drive to final nail so to speak.. and bury this relationship.. finally.. i might know freedom from the guilt machine that is susan..

anger is a terrible drug..

i am not built for this world.. rather.. my design is for the pre-internet age.. back when being a hard worker meant something.. back when you actually had to work hard to even be considered worthy of your job.. a time when you could have almost any job that you wanted.. with little or no education.. it didn't matter.. as long as you were able to perform the tasks at hand with at least some competency.. but today to much importance is placed on having a piece of paper.. a piece of paper that you must invest at least the first twenty years of your life as well as vast sums of money in order to achieve.. to which i can only say one thing.. What?.. are you people insane.. but no.. it must be done.. there is no choice.. even if learning from a book is possibly one of the hardest things that i do.. information in text form is far to abstract for me to care enough to put forth the effort.. gods help me i am trying.. but.. fuck..

more often than not i find myself wishing for the apocalypse.. so that i am either dead.. or find myself in a survival of the fittest situation.. i feel as if.. in a world of chaos i would do quite well..

what is information really..

information is nothing more than everything that i desire.. now perhaps that doesn't make any sense.. but it is the truth none-the-less.. and i suppose this being my first blog i should further explain exactly what i mean and stop toying with you.. sure.. why not... just to be clear.. i simply wish to be informed of.. well.. everything.. i want to know everything.. i am not talking about what the brain is capable of either.. rather.. i want every single bit of information that is available in this vast universe.. this is not possible though.. one man can not know everything.. no matter how hard he tries.. so.. the only thing left to do is contemplate the more difficult questions of the day.. hoping that it will keep my mind occupied.. and this.. is basically what this blog is going to be.. a series of questions that i want answers to.. simply put

that little musing does raise a question.. if it was possible to know everything.. and somehow i were to obtain all of this knowledge.. what then would i do with my time.. ah.. of course.. that would be that moment.. the moment were i realise that i have wasted my life in pursuit of absolutely nothing.. the moment that so many have already experienced.. the time that is most commonly referred to as a "mid-life crisis".. were one suddenly becomes aware of the nothingness that is his/her existence..they then must try and redefine what they know as they're life.. not realising that no matter what they do.. it's all the same.. we are all just kill time until what is.. our inevitable end..